mental pictures of everything

some days have proven themselves better than others, but certain moments of every day go by unnoticed. today we spent the majority of time working with the organization we've all come to love dearly, sisters4sisters. shortly after, our team of 11 embarked upon a hike at dusk, facilitated by a full moon and the light of my headlamp. ryan and i hiked it last year, so we knew that the hike was strenuous. i think we failed to communicate that to our team as well as we should have, however. oops. a couple of them really hated us for a while until they got to the top and saw the beauty for themselves. it's an unbelievably fast ascent-- 2195 feet in no time.

lion's head is worth it though. it's part of table mountain national park, so the experience is one of a kind and the view atop takes your breath away, even if you're not a nature person at heart. if you ever go, make sure to take food. food makes everything better. at the top, i ate the pesto sandwich i had patiently, and somewhat painstakingly, saved for that very moment. also, random, but... i also partook of a bite of hamburger from a very nice lady. yep that's right, da burger. (some lady brought burgers and wine to the top for a picnic. i would be scared to drink wine and then go down a mountain like that. i would die, this i know for sure.)

all i could think as the sun set over the vast ocean was how creative god is. we think WE are creative? where do we think we get it from, that's my question to the world. it emanates from the Creator. this is just a drop in the bucket of the works he's created. tonight, god brought me and 10 of my dearest friends to that very place, to see that very specific sun set at that very specific moment. it made my head spin thinking about other moments like these that i've let slip by, unnoticed. no more. i'm gonna notice everything. watch out, world.

the colors faded in and out, from rich, dark blue to golden yellow with a neutral grey situated in between either extreme-- just like i learned in art class, by painting the color scales. nature is the best artistry out there. and the moon-- oh! so bright. we've been able to see it by day and by night the whole time we've been here in south africa, but tonight it was full and uninhibited, graciously hanging in the expansive chromatic display of a sky.

but the most important mental picture i didn't take until we got home. i showered and went outside in the backyard to journal and let my hair dry in the breeze. as i wrote the word "january" at the top of the page, i began laughing. knowing the january i've known for 21 years, complete with snow and ice and cancelled school days, it clicked that i'm in for an experience like never before in these next few months... in more ways than just this one.

i sit in a chair

full moon and starlit sky

the moon so full it drowns out the stars nearest it,

kind of like it steals all their light as fuel

it harnesses their energy that way

the stars though, they shine on

strong as ever

their formation unfamiliar to me,

but their language still the same

the wind, it blows

not one direction--but all

it whips around my person,

blows my hair and pierces my soul

blows the cuffs of my pants against my feet and my ankles

blows through all fabrics and kisses my skin

i hear it rustling, through the gaps and openings in my earbuds

earbuds that pump The First Days of Spring

just like it is the first time

ever

i can't explain why i'm here, why i'm me and why i was born to parents who love me and care for me and work to give me this sort of opportunity. should i feel guilty? satisfied? undeserving? thankful? motivated? i can't explain any of this, and i can neither explain why my parents and my brothers and friends and the people i met today and yesterday and the day before yesterday cannot experience this very moment. why am i the only one out here in this chair, looking at the moon perfectly situated in the night sky surrounded by stars and wind and natural glory? for some reason, inexplicably so, this mental picture is orchestrated and enjoyed by myself. myself alone. (unless you find it just as beautiful as i do, now that it's out on the interwebs.) 

i'm sure many around the world are gazing at the moon's beauty right now this very second, and perhaps some of them are thinking about it as introspectively as i. ...probably not as introspectively. that's a long shot. meh, you never never know.

regardless, for the moment, i'm content with being overwhelmed by god's love for me: how he gave me breath and painted the skies and numbered the stars and the grains of sand and the number of hairs on my sunburned head. i can't explain, but something within me declares thank you. i love you too.

i sit back, revel, soak, and enjoy alone. the sounds of Noah and the Whale continue, this time a new take on the old favorite "I Have Nothing":

so walk with me
on this new spring morning
i'll walk you till your fears are none
i'm a new baby weeping
i'm the flower you're keeping
that without love will wilt and die

and one last thing-- i'm not really using a camera right now, and i'm not taking pictures at work sites to protect privacy. but if you want to follow scenic adventures, check out http://inkstagram.com/#/users/3033772/photos. that's the best i can do.

and one more thing-- mom, i know you're reading this. hi madre, i love you and i promise i'll send you a large email full with love soon!