ramblings from a scattered brain in cape town

i have a few minutes to myself tonight and a bar of dark chocolate at hand, so i thought i'd update the interwebz on my life. it's in no way cohesive or conclusive, i assure you.


we've been doing amazing sightseeing stuff mainly since arriving here. that's because south africa takes the holiday srrsly and basically stops functioning from middle of january till 1st/2nd week of january. (which means that a lot of the organizations we're meeting with aren't open till tomorrowish aka HI, free time for educational non-service-related ventures!) i've gotten tan already, except we've probably had too much sun because one of the group members is currently in bed with sun poisoning. ...we went to the beach yesterday for new years day and i don't know if she wore sunscreen. oops. but i swam on the africa side of the atlantic yesterday and OMG IT WAS SO COLD! but so worth it. i always swim in the ocean wherever i go. just putting your feet in isn't good enough. it's diving in that matters. i couldn't stop smiling.


correction-- i stopped smiling once i remembered seeing an article in saturday's paper with an article about shark attacks on the front page. remembering that great whites frequent the waters off the cape coast turned that smile into a gasp rather fast.


there's so much to cover, idk how i could accurately tell you what we've been doing. we've gone to the top of mountains and toured Robben Island, where Mandela was imprisoned. we've been to townships which are the equivalent of slums for south africa i guess. they started in apartheid and haven't changed in the 17 years since it ended. which is a whole other issue in itself. and we have had the privilege of spending hours with people who lived through apartheid, mainly black people or mixed people (south africa historically classifies itself racially as white, black, colored, etc. and in this case colored means mixed.) we learned basic xhosa phrases, xhosa being the largely spoken dialect in this province. "molo" means hi. i would say "molo bhuti" to a boy, you would say "molo sisi" to me. "kunjabi" means how are you. stuff like that.
oh, and i've started eating substantial quantities of meat, this time WITHOUT the four hour long stomach ache. i ate ham the other day actually, which made me quite proud of my progress. i'm realizing i like meat more than i thought but i'm still excited to give it up again when i get back, because i just love being a vegetarian. so much healthier and humane and environmentally sustainable. and cheaper. the guy i marry should be grateful for my eating habits, cause they're cheaper. bam.


i think the two biggest things running through my mind are 1) how recent apartheid was and therefore how recently it ended. it's not exactly like that in america because it's been around 150 years.. although current and institutionalized injustices in america still blow my mind. anyhow, people i meet here lived through apartheid (!!), and that's not the case for america in its present day state. 17 years ago was in my lifetime. and that just blows my mind. i interact with people everyday who used to or probably still do see the white as the oppressor, or with people who used to be seen as the oppressors themselves. for the former, they have experienced this oppression or torture or injustice or mistreatment or discrimination firsthand-- more than just through history books or family stories. sometimes in the places we go my group of mostly white people is the minority, and getting used to the fact that people may see me as evil or oppressive is hard. not because they're in the wrong, because they're allowed that. but because that's just painful for me to imagine being in their position. the stuff people have been through...
2) but then there's also indescribable joy. i think one thing i am realizing is that there is that human component to anything and everything and it cannot be smothered or vanquished or belittled. in every policy, behind every rule, in every family, in every situation, there's humanity. without recognizing this, good things go bad. great ideas go sour. i'm reminded that smiles and eye contact matter. just being in some of these peoples' presence is transformative. some of this just can't be taught in a class or presented through a documentary. i'm grateful to be in college right now and to have this opportunity and others like it to travel and seek to understand at least a little something about how the world works.


tomorrow starts our real "service learning" component of the trip. we're working on a cultural exchange venture with some middle school aged girls, and i cannot wait. i know and love dearly the director of the organization, a woman named eunice. i went over to her house for tea today and i'm pretty sure i coulda stayed there forever. just being in her presence makes me feel more whole. we have meetings all through the week and then start working with a new organization in a few days. i'm prepared for lots of dancing, lots of smiling, lots of questioning and sharing and learning.


it's weird not being in the everyday lives of the people i love most from back in amurrica. i feel bad, like i'm doing something wrong by abandoning them. i feel awfully selfish, but at the same time i know this is an adventure i need to go on. i know god has prepared the way for me to walk, and i know not walking in it would be a sin. so really, all is well.
i do, however, feel like a fifth grade girl saying this: i think the thing i miss most at the moment is not having the capability to text my friends. that disconnect is strange. but at the same time it's wildly liberating! so overall, i love it. i am excited, however, to rid myself of the burden called alternative break leadership (although it IS a wonderful role, i promise) and strike out on my own. in ghana. i'm excited for time to write you all and read the books i want to read. currently i'm reading ellen degeneres's latest book, and it makes me chortle pretty much every stinking page. people leave the room when i start reading it because i distract them too much with my laughter.


i pray you blessings over your New Year. 2012. crazy life right there. when did it become 2012. i remember it like just yesterday when it was y2k; people stocked up on water and food and camped out in their basements, prepared for the worst like there was some atomic bomb. i challenge you to do the opposite. stop preparing and just DO already, you know? don't make goals for yourself, make challenges.

december rain

rain falls outside
i curl up on my window seat
knees to my chest
hair in a ponytail
snapple in hand
book by my side


rain evokes emotion
washes over me
it tells me
rest, it is finished
it washes away the worry
like turpentine removes paint from a brush
like acetone strips nails of their polish


away it goes
away it all goes
with the rain


the rain, it rushes down the hill
down the sidestreets and mainstreets and sidewalks
it leaves the plateaued mountain
and reaches the gulley


to the river it flows
into the ocean it bleeds
the clouds, they pick it up
and drop it off again
against my window


rain falls outside

study tips from your most ardent studier

"The dream."
College: where we come to learn. To study. To catapult ourselves from dependence and obscurity to independence, academic and professional greatness.

I had enormous hopes for myself when I envisioned my college life. I would study between classes and write papers in timely fashion during the weekdays, leaving my weekends wide open for amusing adventures. How wise.
I'd do great research, delving deep into interesting scholarly things, with time to spare. How noble.
And I'd use all my other time for what I imagined my social life would be: important, but a mere second to academic pursuits. How quaint.

"The reality."
College: where I came to realize that in high school I was the biggest nerd on the planet.

College is nothing like I imagined.
I go here to learn, but I don't go here to study. I go here to catapult myself and others into a life worth living, a Purpose bigger than ourselves.

What do I do in college?
Well, I spend way too much time with people, and when I'm not with people, I am… well, I'm pretty much always with people.
I don't do work between classes; instead I get coffee with a friend or buy plane tickets or go on hikes or drive or make art or watch Hulu. I don't finish my papers in timely fashion; instead I #clublibs. I master the art of procrastination by living and breathing social media, taking sub-par photos with my iphone, drinking Snapple, researching South Africa, going to concerts, staring at the moon, signing up for pottery classes, watching inspirational dog movies like Homeward Bound, drooling over National Geographic, eating black beans, listening to Noah and the Whale, and calling my mom.
For me, the social and the academic spheres flip-flopped right after my high school graduation day. I did so well in high school. Sigh. But I dropped the books, started running, and I never looked back. Smile.

So why are you writing a blog on study tips, ignats? you might ask.
I'll tell you why. There's a method to my madness.
You see, here's my philosophy: studying isn't that important!
Buuuuuuuut important and necessary aren't synonymous, so don't you let that smile get too large. Ya still gots to study, kid. But just 'cause you're studying don't mean it ain't fun.

mbd's glorious, enviable, and fool-proof study tips for success:

1. break out the eye glasses if you've got them. don't sacrifice your eye sight for style. wear them loud and wear them proud; finals week hits one, hits all. and it ain't pretty.

2. wear flannel. and sweatpants. wear them separate, wear them together-- any combination will do.

3. check Facebook a lot. hey, it's a good distraction.

4. bring your computer charger with you wherever you go. don't be stoopid like me and forget it at your apartment (or dorm room or house, it you are so lucky as to have a house).

5. drink caffeine. but don't get addicted. addictions are bad.

6. the best study places on campus: SIS balcony, and especially Battelle atrium & Katzen. …you heard it here first. but keep it a secret; I want Battelle and Katzen to remain underpopulated and free of people who actually support the wonk campaign. crazies. i like the Battelle and Katzen demographics as they are.

7. get sleep. my bed is my best friend, it's true. the question is, is your bed YOUR best friend?

8. don't stay up late doing things that could be finished tomorrow.
case in point: me, writing this blog right now at 2.02am. is this really necessary? no. will i continue writing? without question.

9. "get a grip."
i've heard this line more times than i could ever try to count in my lifetime. it's my dad's favorite phrase, kind of the same as "no pain, no gain" or "no guts, no glory" or "suck it up." maybe you're lucky enough to be familiar with some of those beautiful lines. inspirational, amirite?

prime examples:

(when i was a little kid, sick and throwing up in the toilet)
kid: Daddy, I need a towel, I'm throwing up!
dad: Get a grip, Mere! You're fine!

(when my little twin brothers wrestled each other to the ground and possibly hit each other with golf clubs)
kid: AHHH!! DAD!!! Chad just hit me with a golf club!! (starts crying)
dad: You're fine, boy. Get a grip! Shake it off. (walks away)

you get the picture.
finals week is almost over as soon as it begins, trust me. so get a grip!

10. don't be blind to beauty.

"When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures-- solitude, books, and imagination-- outside with the whispering pines." -Helen Keller in The Story of My Life

all Helen Keller jokes aside, don't be blind to beauty. whether it's free finals week snacks in the windowless dungeon--errr i mean basement--of Kay Spiritual Center; whether it's climbing a tree or jumping in rain puddles or watching five seasons of Bones; whether it's writing a poem or buying a Street Sense issue or painting like Bob Ross or reading your favorite book for the 12,923,482th time, or checking on a friend-- don't be blind to beauty. invite beauty, embrace beauty.

there will still be time for studying, i promise. that's what college is for.


yours sincerely,
meredith

a variation of "rain on my face"

i don't have to move to listen
i'm close enough, as it were
i don't have to sing well to praise You
Your angels do that better already
i don't have to work for Your goodness
i don't have to chase down Your love
i don't have to move to listen
You are wherever i am
You call me to obey,
  to submit and to honor
so here i am
  humbled, dry.
fill me up with Your glory,
fill me up till i drown.




i wrote this during the last TNW, when the honorable blane young refreshed my perspective on ephesians 5.21 and 6.1.

living and dying, or really just something in between.

i offer up questions.
what does it MEAN to live, to live fully conscious of life and of death?
what is death, if i'm alive? or am i not really alive at all, but dying?

what value lies in seeing the sun from here, if i've never seen the earth from there?

i offer no answers. God is, was, will be The Answer. The Answer does not come in words alone, but in actions: of mercy, of sacrifice, of love.

none of us lives
for ourselves alone
and none of us dies
for ourselves alone
Romans 14.7

if seeing the sun from here, as it streams between tree branches, exposing rugged bare branches swaying like arms in a restless crowd-- if this is all it takes to glimpse unadulterated beauty, if for just a second-- i am content.
if this state of ignorance yields some semblance of Life and Life more abundant, and if dying to myself means coming alive in Someone Else, then i find joy in this restful sincerity of heart.
yes, rest.
maybe this moment of rest is all i needed.

all systems go

i'm drinking coffee out of a mug i glazed myself. it's large, about half the size of a dodgeball. its disproportionately large compared to the tiny handle on the side. i splattered paint all over it and included some Santa Fe flair on the handle, and ran some arrows going from the bottom rim all the way up the side and into the hollow innards. but what's most important is what i penned right beside some planets and the moon: set the world on fire.

i made this mug about a year ago, on the heels of an amazing weekend with my brother, rich. he came to visit in DC and we did all sorts of DCist things. but most importantly we sat in my apartment with my friends and did nothing. (and by nothing i mean we broke out the 96 count Crayola crayons and coloring books, and maybe some xbox Geometry Wars.)

we did nothing. until the inflatable AU Abroad globe caught on fire. it brushed against a candle and that's all she wrote. flames raged, smoke billowed in the air and hit the 8 ft ceilings faster than you can say Mississippi.
there's now a spot in the carpet where the drama went down; it's all black and charred, forever marking that auspicious occasion.

set the world on fire.

Now to Him who is able to strengthen you according to my Gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ,
according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages but now has been disclosed and through the prophetic writings has been made known to all nations,
according to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith--
to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen.

authority- Greek "exousia"- (n): the ability or strength with which one is endued, and the right to exercise that power
command- Greek "epitagé"- (n): an injunction, the authoritativeness of a command

Paul really brings it in Romans 16.26. kind of brings me to my knees. why this authority? why this command? why are these related? i struggle with authority. i don't like obeying it, and i don't like exhibiting it. it's not natural for me. authority of the law? pish posh. i like jwalking and speeding and illegally downloading too much; authority's just holding me back. i'm an accommodater, an avoider. why should i confront, collaborate, compete, or call out when i can sit back and let life take its course?

i'm learning that sometimes i'm that piece of life that directs that course, ultimately directed and breathed into existence like a breath on a snowy winter day by a God of mystery, of strength, beauty, glory and truth.
i'm learning sometimes i can't run from authority, because it is a command.
i'm learning that i'm not exempt-- not by my busy schedule, and not by my very nature. the nature that screams of everything within me to run and scream in the opposite direction, help! somebody with vision, humility, and undying fortitude, come quickly! people need you here! 
somewhere along the line, God raised me up.

somewhere between the time i came to AU, the times my freshman self called my mom homesick at 3am and the times i would go on solo hikes and climb trees just to get away from people and "city noise"... somewhere between that time and now, God's been working.
so for now, all i can do is listen to Painting Pictures of Egypt and praise a God that's directed me into places i never woulda gone on my own, had my back not been turned.



set the world on fire.

hickory smoked ham

the apartment reeks of rotting hickory smoked ham. raw ham that's been left in an open Tupperware under the sun, exposed to the elements and maggots.
i just raided our fridge again.
something smells.
we can't seem to find the culprit. it's stinking up the whole place, but no one wants to wipe out the fridge. 
who has the time? we say.
i do more work around here than the two of them combined, each of us mutter under our breaths.

and so it goes.

the apartment reeks of rotting hickory smoked ham.